Boosting Your Teen’s Involvement in Extracurriculars
Remember those idyllic childhood days filled with finger painting, playground adventures, and the pure joy of discovering something new? Fast forward to the teenage years, and that boundless enthusiasm can sometimes morph into eye rolls, shrugs, and a symphony of “I don’t know”s echoing through the house.
As parents of two teens – Maya, our adventurous college sophomore, and Lia, our wonderfully sarcastic high-schooler – we’ve navigated our fair share of these moments. And while the teenage years come with their unique set of challenges (hello, mood swings and the ever-present phone glued to their hand!), they also present a prime opportunity for growth, exploration, and discovering passions that can shape their future.
And that’s where extracurricular activities come in.
Now, before you envision us pushing our kids into every club, sport, and volunteer opportunity under the sun (we’ve all seen that parent), let’s be clear: this isn’t about adding more pressure to their already-full plates. It’s about encouraging them to step outside their comfort zones, explore their interests, and discover the incredible benefits that come with being involved.
Why Extracurriculars Matter (Beyond the College Application Boost)
Sure, extracurriculars look great on college applications (and trust us, they do!), but their impact goes far beyond impressing admissions committees. Here’s why we’ve always encouraged our girls to get involved:
Discovering Hidden Talents (and Maybe Even a Future Career Path): You never know what your teen might excel at until they try it. Maya, who we lovingly dubbed our resident bookworm, surprised us all when she joined the debate team in middle school. Turns out, she had a knack for public speaking and a passion for arguing (a skill that, we confess, occasionally comes in handy at home too!).
Building Skills That Translate to Real Life: From teamwork and communication to problem-solving and time management, extracurriculars provide a crash course in essential life skills that will serve them well beyond their teenage years. Lia, who’s part of her school’s robotics club, has learned more about collaboration, creative thinking, and the fine art of troubleshooting than any textbook could ever teach.
Boosting Confidence and Self-Esteem: There’s nothing quite like the feeling of accomplishment that comes with mastering a new skill, achieving a goal, or contributing to a team effort. These experiences help teens build confidence, develop a sense of self-efficacy, and realize their full potential (even when they try to convince you they have none).
Expanding Their Social Circle: Extracurriculars provide a built-in opportunity to connect with like-minded peers who share their interests. This is especially important in the digital age, where face-to-face interactions can sometimes take a backseat to social media.
Stress Relief and a Break from the Books: Let’s face it, the pressure to succeed academically can be intense. Extracurriculars offer a much-needed outlet for stress relief, a chance to unwind, and an opportunity to simply have fun!
Overall, the holistic development that comes with engaging in diverse extracurricular interests is unparalleled. These activities nurture well-rounded individuals capable of navigating both the challenges and opportunities that lie ahead.
How to Encourage Your Teen to Get Involved (Without the Eye Rolls)
We’ve all been there, right? You suggest a weekend hike or a cool new club at school, and your teen barely looks up from their phone. Getting teens excited about anything beyond their carefully curated digital world can feel like an Olympic sport sometimes. But when it comes to extracurriculars, finding that spark of genuine interest can make all the difference. It’s not about forcing them into a pre-determined mold, but rather, gently guiding them towards experiences that could ignite a passion, build confidence, or simply offer a healthy escape from the pressures of school and social life.
Here are some strategies we’ve found helpful in navigating those conversations, and trust us, we’ve had our fair share of eye-rolls along the way:
Start the Conversation (and Make it a Dialogue, Not a Lecture): Instead of launching into a lecture about the importance of extracurriculars (cue the eye rolls), initiate an open and honest conversation about their interests, passions, and what they enjoy doing outside of school. For example, you can start with something like “I know you love photography. Have you thought about joining the photography club at school? Or maybe taking a photography class at the community center?”
Be a Detective and Uncover Hidden Interests: Sometimes, teens don’t even know what they’re interested in! Be on the lookout for clues in their everyday lives – what do they share on Instagram? What topics do they get fired up about? What do they enjoy doing in their free time? These can offer valuable insights into potential extracurricular activities. We noticed Lia was spending a lot of time watching coding tutorials online. When we asked her about it, she admitted she was curious about coding but didn’t know where to start. That’s how she ended up joining the robotics club, where she discovered a passion for programming.
Embrace the “Try It Before You Deny It” Approach: Encourage your teen to approach extracurriculars with an open mind and a willingness to try new things. Many schools offer trial periods or “taster sessions” for clubs and activities, allowing students to dip their toes in before committing. At first, Maya was hesitant to join the debate team, convinced it wasn’t her “thing.” We encouraged her to attend a few meetings to see what it was all about (we actually enjoyed this debate with her, which proved to her that not only she likes it, but she’s pretty good at it). She ended up loving the camaraderie, the challenge of crafting arguments, and the thrill of competition.
Focus on the Fun Factor (and Don’t Over-Schedule): Extracurriculars should be enjoyable, not another item on a to-do list. Encourage your teen to choose activities they genuinely enjoy, and avoid over-scheduling them to the point where it becomes overwhelming. We learned this lesson the hard way when Lia signed up for two different sports teams, the school play, and a volunteer position all in one semester. She was burnt out and miserable. We helped her prioritize her activities, focusing on the ones she enjoyed most and letting go of the rest.
Celebrate the Wins (Big and Small): Acknowledge and celebrate your teen’s accomplishments, no matter how small they may seem. Did they conquer their fear of public speaking at the debate tournament? Did they score the winning goal in their soccer game? Did they simply show up and give it their all, even if they didn’t win? These are all reasons to celebrate! We make a big deal out of Maya’s debate team wins (and even their losses, because learning how to handle defeat gracefully is a valuable life skill). We also celebrate Lia’s accomplishments in the robotics club, whether it’s successfully programming a robot or simply working effectively as part of a team.
Be Patient and Supportive (Even When It’s Tough): There will be times when your teen wants to quit, gets discouraged, or faces challenges. Be their biggest cheerleader, offer words of encouragement, and remind them that you’re there for them every step of the way. When Lia was struggling to master a particularly challenging coding concept, she was ready to throw in the towel. We helped her break down the problem into smaller, more manageable steps, provided encouragement, and celebrated her perseverance when she finally cracked the code (pun intended!).
The Challenge: Between school, homework, social lives, and maybe even part-time jobs, teens’ plates are already pretty full. Adding too many extracurriculars can lead to stress, exhaustion, and a decline in their overall well-being.
Open Communication: Encourage your teen to be honest about how they’re feeling and whether their activities are becoming overwhelming.
Prioritize Together: Help them identify their top priorities and passions. It’s okay to say no to some activities to make space for others.
The Challenge: Teens, particularly those hardwired for achievement, can put immense pressure on themselves to excel in everything they do. The fear of not measuring up or disappointing themselves (or you!) can be paralyzing.
How to Help:
Shift the Focus: Emphasize that extracurriculars are about exploration, growth, and enjoyment, not just achievements.
Celebrate Effort: Praise their hard work, dedication, and perseverance, even if the results aren’t always what they hoped for.
Normalize Setbacks: Help them understand that everyone experiences setbacks and disappointments. It’s how we learn and grow from them that matters.
The Challenge: Extracurriculars, especially team-based ones, can come with their own set of social challenges, from navigating friendships and cliques to dealing with peer pressure.
How to Help:
Be a Sounding Board: Create a safe space for your teen to talk about any social challenges they’re facing without judgment.
Role-Play Social Situations: If they’re struggling with a particular social dynamic, role-playing different scenarios can help them build confidence.
Encourage Healthy Boundaries: Empower them to stand up for themselves and say no if they’re feeling pressured to do something that makes them uncomfortable.
The Challenge: Sometimes, teens might initially be gung-ho about an extracurricular, only to lose interest or motivation as time goes on.
How to Help:
Explore the “Why”: Try to understand the root of their lack of motivation. Are they bored? Overwhelmed? Facing challenges they don’t know how to overcome?
Problem-Solve Together: Once you’ve identified the issue, work together to find solutions. Could they switch roles within the activity? Get extra help if they’re struggling?
Reassess and Re-evaluate: It’s okay to quit an extracurricular if it’s no longer a good fit. Help them see this as a learning experience and an opportunity to explore other interests.
The Challenge: Some extracurriculars, such as travel sports or specialized programs, can be expensive. Additionally, transportation or scheduling conflicts can pose logistical hurdles.
How to Help:
Be Upfront About Finances: Have an open conversation about your family’s budget for extracurriculars and explore options together.
Seek Out Resources: Many organizations offer scholarships, financial aid, or payment plans.
Get Creative with Solutions: Explore carpooling options with other families, investigate public transportation, or consider adjusting schedules to make activities work.
Be There When It Matters: We make it a priority to attend Maya’s debate tournaments and Lia’s robotics competitions whenever possible. Even if it means rearranging our schedules or missing out on other things, being there to witness their hard work and dedication means the world to them (and to us!).
Provide Practical Support: Sometimes, support comes in the form of carpools to practices, helping with fundraising efforts, or even just providing a listening ear after a tough loss. We’ve learned that even small gestures can go a long way in showing our daughters that we’re invested in their success and well-being.
Resist the Urge to Micromanage: As tempting as it is to jump in and “fix” things when they encounter challenges, we’ve learned that it’s important to give our daughters the space to figure things out for themselves (most of the time!). Our role is to provide guidance and support, not to take over.
Keep the Communication Lines Open: We make an effort to have regular conversations with our daughters about their extracurricular experiences, both the highs and the lows. We ask open-ended questions, listen without judgment, and offer encouragement and advice when needed.
Lead by Example: Teens are more likely to embrace extracurriculars if they see their parents doing the same. Share your own experiences with extracurriculars, both past and present, and emphasize the positive impact they’ve had on your life. We’ve always been involved in our community, whether it’s volunteering at the local food bank, participating in our neighborhood association, or taking on leadership roles in our respective professions. We make a conscious effort to share these experiences with our daughters, highlighting the personal and professional growth that comes with being involved.Pro Tip: Take your kids to one of these volunteering events (we took them to the food bank a few times). Not only do they help others, but they learn valuable lessons along the way.
Overcoming Common Challenges
Navigating the world of extracurriculars isn’t always smooth sailing, and teens often face some common hurdles. Here are a few, along with tips on how we can help them through:
Over-Scheduling and Burnout:
How to Help:
Schedule Downtime: Just like we need breaks, so do teens! Encourage them to schedule in downtime for relaxation, hobbies, or simply hanging out with friends. Pro Tip: Try scheduling Parent/Teen time on a regular basis (we do this once a month), where you take your child out and do some fun activities (hiking, ice skating, pizza night – anything goes). It helps reduce stress and strengthen your relationship.
Fear of Failure or Disappointment:
Social Dynamics and Peer Pressure:
Lack of Motivation or Interest:
Financial or Logistical Barriers:
How to Be Your Teen’s Biggest Supporter
Supporting your teen in their extracurriculars goes beyond just cheering from the sidelines (although, trust us, they appreciate that too!). Here are a few ways to show your support:
As parents, our involvement and support can make a world of difference in our teen’s extracurricular journey. By being present, engaged, and encouraging, we can help them navigate the challenges, celebrate the victories, and make the most of these valuable experiences.
Final Thoughts
Encouraging your teen to get involved in extracurricular activities is about more than just padding their college applications (although, let’s be real, that’s a nice bonus!). It’s about providing them with opportunities to explore their interests, develop essential life skills, build confidence, and discover hidden talents they never knew they had.
The teenage years are a time of incredible growth and transformation. By fostering a supportive and encouraging environment, you can empower your teen to embrace new challenges, discover their passions, and make the most of this exciting (and sometimes tumultuous) chapter in their lives.