How to Prepare Your Toddler for a New Sibling and Empower Them to Be an Amazing Big Brother or Sister
So, you’re about to embark on the incredible adventure of expanding your family! Congratulations! Adding a second child to the mix is a beautiful, chaotic, and utterly transformative experience. When I found out I was pregnant with my second child, I’ll admit, I was thrilled – but also nervous about one very specific thing: how my firstborn would handle the change. My sweet little toddler had been the star of the show, the center of attention, the one and only for three and a half years. Suddenly, they were about to share the spotlight with a brand-new sibling. Would they feel jealous? Left out? Resentful?
One of the most common questions I hear from parents is, “How do we prepare our toddler for a new sibling?” It’s a valid concern. After all, for your little one, this new baby represents a major shift in their world – a tiny human who will inevitably demand a lot of attention and potentially disrupt their reign as the sole focus of your affection.
The truth is, transitioning from a family of three to a family of four is a big change—for everyone. But with a little preparation, a lot of patience, and a healthy dose of empathy, you can not only prepare your toddler for this big change but also empower them to embrace their new role as a big brother or sister. In this blog post, we’ll explore how to prepare your young child for a new sibling and empower them to be an amazing big brother or sister. I’ll share real-life examples, practical tips, and yes, even a fun way to make it “official” with a Big Brother/Sister Certificate.
Let’s dive in!
Understanding Your Toddler’s World
Before we dive into the practical tips, let’s take a moment to step into your toddler’s shoes. Imagine being the center of your universe, the undisputed king or queen of the castle. Then, suddenly, a new “ruler” arrives, demanding attention, resources, and a share of the throne. It’s a lot to process!
Toddlers thrive on routine and predictability. The arrival of a new baby can disrupt their sense of security and create feelings of anxiety, jealousy, and even resentment. They might not understand why this tiny human is getting so much attention or why their parents suddenly seem less available.
That’s why it’s crucial to approach this transition with sensitivity and understanding. It’s not about expecting your toddler to be instantly thrilled about having a sibling. It’s about acknowledging their feelings, validating their concerns, and helping them navigate this big change in a way that feels safe and manageable.
Practical Tips and Tricks for a Smooth Transition
Here are some practical strategies that have worked for our family (and many other families know):
Early, Honest and Simple Communication
Toddlers are smart. They pick up on more than we give them credit for. But they also live very much in the now. So, while it’s important to prepare them for the arrival of their new sibling, dropping the news too early might confuse them.
When to Start Preparing:
I usually recommend starting to talk about the new baby a few months before the due date—when your pregnancy is starting to show, and the concept of “a baby is coming” feels more real. For very young toddlers, around 2-3 years old, keep the explanations simple.
Start talking about the new baby early, even before your toddler fully grasps the concept. We started talking to our daughter when my pregnancy started to show, and the concept of “a baby is coming” felt more real. For very young toddlers, around 2-3 years old, use simple language and concrete examples they can relate to. For example, “Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy. Soon, you’ll have a little brother or sister to play with!”
As your pregnancy progresses, involve your toddler in the preparations. Let them feel the baby kick, help pick out clothes or toys, and talk about what it will be like when the baby arrives. This helps them feel included and builds excitement for the new arrival.
What to Say:
“There’s a baby growing in Mommy’s tummy. You’re going to be a big brother/sister soon!”
“The baby will be very small when they arrive, and they’ll need a lot of help from Mommy and Daddy. But they’re also going to love you so much!”
One family we’re friends with, has a 3-year-old named Ellie who struggled to grasp the idea of a baby sibling. Her parents used a doll to help explain. They’d say, “This is how small the baby will be,” and practiced “gentle touches” with the doll. Ellie even got to “feed” the doll with a toy bottle. By the time her baby brother arrived, she was already in “big sister” mode.
Involve Your Toddler in the Process
Toddlers thrive on feeling included. When they’re left out, that’s when jealousy can creep in. So instead of framing the baby as something that’s “happening to them,” involve them in the journey.
Here are few ways to involve them:
Let Them Help with Baby Prep: Take them shopping for baby clothes, let them pick out a toy for the baby, or let them help set up the nursery. (“This is where your baby brother will sleep!”). You’d be amazed at how a 3 year old toddler can help with setting up an IKEA nursery.
Talk About Their Role as a Big Sibling: Use language that makes them feel important, like, “You’re going to be such a great helper!” or “Your little sister will look up to you so much.”
Show Them Ultrasound Photos: Explain, “This is what the baby looks like right now. Isn’t that cool?”
Be prepared for a barrage of questions, some of which might surprise you. Toddlers are naturally curious, and they might ask things like, “Where does the baby sleep?” “How does the baby eat?” or even, “How did the baby get in your tummy?” (That one always throws parents for a loop!)
Answer their questions honestly and age-appropriately. You don’t need to go into all the details, but be truthful and reassuring. Books and videos can be helpful resources for explaining these concepts in a way that toddlers can understand.
Address Their Feelings (Even the Tough Ones)
Let’s be honest—toddlers are not exactly subtle when it comes to their emotions. And when they’re feeling jealous, confused, or left out, they’ll let you know. It’s important to create space for these emotions and let your child know it’s okay to feel all the feels.
What to Say When They Express Negative Feelings:
“It’s okay to feel upset. Having a new baby is a big change!”
“Sometimes it’s hard to share Mommy and Daddy’s attention. But we love you so much, and we’re going to make sure you always feel special.”
Pro Tip: Avoid dismissing their feelings with statements like, “Oh, you’ll love the baby once they’re here!” Instead, validate their emotions and reassure them.
When Maya was 3 and I was pregnant with her little sister, she once told me, “I don’t want a baby. I want it to just be us.” Instead of brushing it off, I sat her down and said, “I understand. You’re used to it being just you, Mommy, and Daddy. But the baby is going to love you so much, and we’re going to have so much fun together as a family.” It wasn’t an instant fix, but it helped her feel heard.
Celebrate Their New Role as a Big Brother/Sister
This is one of my favorite tools for empowering a toddler to feel excited about their new role. A Big Brother or Sister Certificate is a simple but meaningful way to recognize their new “job” as a sibling. Think of it as an official badge of honor!
One of the most effective ways to prepare your toddler is through role-playing. Use dolls or stuffed animals to act out different scenarios, such as feeding the baby, changing diapers, or putting the baby to sleep. This helps your toddler understand what to expect and gives them a chance to practice their new “big sibling” skills (when we gave Maya the “Big Sister Certificate” we reminded her how she helped us feed the baby (her doll) and that she will now help us feed Lia).
We made a huge deal out of the Big Sister Certificate with Mia. We had a little “graduation-style” ceremony, complete with a balloon and a cupcake. Mia proudly hung her certificate on the fridge and referred to herself as “Big Sister Mia” for weeks. The certificate became a reminder of her special role in the family.
Special Time with Toddler
Once the baby arrives, it’s easy for toddlers to feel like they’re being replaced. To counteract this, carve out special one-on-one time with your toddler each day, even if it’s just for 15-20 minutes. This could be reading a book together, playing a game, or simply cuddling and talking. This dedicated time helps your toddler feel loved and secure, reassuring them that they haven’t been forgotten amidst the flurry of newborn care.
Ideas for One-on-One Time:
Read their favorite bedtime story every night, just the two of you.
Take them out for a “special outing,” like a trip to the park or a mommy-and-me lunch.
Have a “big sibling date” where you celebrate their new role with ice cream or their favorite treat.
While I’m referring here to “mom”, this can and should be done by both parents. When Lia was born, we made a decision that every night one of us spends 20-30 minutes 1:1 with Maya. Sometimes we’d color together, sometimes we’d cuddle and talk about her day. It wasn’t about doing anything elaborate—it was about showing her that she still had my full attention, even in small doses. During this time the other parent should not interrupt (unless there’s an emergency of course), and when Lia was asleep we even tried spending 2:1 time with Maya, celebrating her new role.
Encourage Bonding Between Siblings
Helping your toddler bond with their new sibling can foster a sense of love and connection from the start. The easiest way (well, maybe not “easiest” but “simpler”?) is to find age-appropriate tasks to help with the baby. This could be fetching diapers, singing songs to the baby, or gently stroking the baby’s head. This not only helps your toddler feel involved but also fosters a sense of responsibility and connection with their new sibling.
Pro Tip: Try having one “end-of-day” (or night) routine for both. We used to have dinner as a family (even when I was breastfeeding), where Maya set up the table for 4, followed by showering both at the same time (while not in the same bathtub initially), and then let Maya pick a bedtime story for both. Maya felt proud to be contributing and it became our evening routine.
Managing Regression
It’s not uncommon for toddlers to experience some regression when a new sibling arrives. They might start having accidents, wanting a pacifier again, or exhibiting clingy behavior. This is a normal response to stress and change. Be patient and understanding, and offer extra comfort and reassurance. Avoid punishing or shaming them for these behaviors, as this will only exacerbate their anxiety.
Final Thoughts
Bringing a new baby into the family is a monumental shift, but it’s also an incredibly rewarding experience. It is a journey – one filled with excitement, uncertainty, and a lot of love. By understanding your toddler’s perspective, implementing these practical strategies, and embracing the journey with patience and empathy, you can empower your older child to embrace their new role with pride and thrive as a big brother or sister. Remember, the goal isn’t to make everything perfect – it’s to create an environment where your toddler feels loved, valued, and included. With your guidance, they’ll not only adjust to having a new sibling but thrive as a big brother or sister.
You’re building a beautiful family, and the love and connection you foster during this transition will create a strong foundation for years to come.
And hey, if all else fails, remember this: toddlers are resilient. Sure, there might be a few bumps in the road, but seeing your kids grow into their sibling bond is one of the most rewarding parts of parenting.
You’ve got this!